INT. NEW JERSEY - DAY The basement screening room of Now Culture headquarters. The EDITOR of Now Culture sits in front of a white bedsheet stapled to the wall. By his side is an old, heavy film projector. All around him are empty folding chairs. He is fidgeting, impatient. Perhaps he has not gotten enough sleep. MADELINE LACQUES-ARANDA walks in and sits next to him. She says nothing but eagerly sits down, as though ready for a Wednesday Double Feature. JAMES B. NICOLA enters next, speaking with excellent Diction.
		JAMES
	Is this seat taken?
DAVID WAITE appears, seemingly from nowhere, his eyes holding a secret sorrow, like a bedraggled Jack Lemmon in Love.
		DAVID
	Why yes, I'm afraid it is.
		JAMES
	Pardon me. My mistake.
Not yet ready for a fight, James retreats to the back row, waiting for the right moment. This subtle drama is soon eclipsed by RUSSELL JAFFE bursting into the room.
		RUSSELL
	Cool it, guys! I don't want any Bride Wars going on in here. Everything's got to be Picture Perfect for this premiere, better than Sex and the City 2.
Russell stops what he is saying, distracted by the entrance of ANGELA BROMMEL wearing a wide-brimmed white hat and sunglasses.
		RUSSELL
	Hey, you look familiar!
		ANGELA
	You Do Not Know Me.
From offscreen we hear the voice of ELLEN MCGRATH SMITH The camera finds her as she is speaking, getting coffee from a coffee machine.
		ELLEN
	Ah, but I know you.
		ANGELA
	That's impossible.
		ELLEN
	Is it now? Or could it be that I saw you in The Bath in Poltergeist?
		ANGELA
	But... how? How could you possibly know that?
		ELLEN
	Never mind... I just know. No sense Beating a Dead Horse.
W. F. LANTRY enters from the kitchen, holding a glass of deep red wine.
		W. F.
	Are you sure that horse is dead, Ellen? It's a cold morning, Ellen, and I see a fine mist coming up from his nose.
		ELLEN
	The fact is, Angela was there. What I was doing doesn't matter.
		W. F.
	Sure, nothing means anything. Is that it? To live and die, To Have and Have Not, none of it matters. Santa Claus on Mars, Oz in the Jungle, it's all just a game to you, isn't it?
A loud crash. We see ROBERT E. WOOD up to his neck in fallen folding chairs.
		ROBERT
	Dear me, all these accusations have left me Vertiginous.
		ANGELA
	And they've left me Breathless.
MALVERN WESTCOTT flies in on a PENGUIN.
		MALVERN
	You think YOU'RE breathless? I just flew in from Montana, and this little lead zeppelin decided he had to take a detour to visit his folks. I bet you can guess where THEY live. I haven't been so inconvenienced since Joseph Papp told me he needed Maria Callas Accompanied In The Antipodes and I was the only one who knew how to make a Sundae the way she liked it. The secret ingredient is ketchup.
		PENGUIN
	Hey I want my twenty bucks. You bet me I was a flightless bird.
		MALVERN
	Will The Year In Penguins never be over??
Malvern gives the penguin a twenty and he flies out the window (the penguin). GENE MYERS walks in through the door.
		GENE
	Hey guys, did you see that penguin?
		MALVERN
	I hope he croaks.
		GENE
	Sounds like you've got Bullfrogs on Your Mind.
Before Malvern can counter this assertion, MK. dances into the room.
		MK.
	You think penguins are trouble? You don't know what trouble is until a Black Hawk Gets Down in your neighborhood.
From the back of the room we hear the laughter of NICHOLAS WONG
		NICHOLAS
	Ha! And I thought Meeting Robert Olen Butler was stressful.
		ANGELA
	Anything can be stressful Without a Telephone Booth.
TATJANA DEBELJACKI crosses into view with a dramatic flourish.
		TATJANA
	Not JAPAN IN APRIL. It is the most beautiful thing you'll ever see.
EMILY BRANDT appears behind Tatjana.
		EMILY
	Hmm, I'll have to go there. I'm always looking for Something New
		RUSSELL
	Something new? Okay, you asked for it.
Russell grabs the side of his face with both hands, and PEELS IT OFF! There beneath the dripping rubber is none other than
JOHN J. TRAUSE laughing maniacally. Everyone in the room is gasping.
		JOHN
	There is more going on here than you could possibly understand. And it's best that way. Sure, I could give you A Clue to the Meaning of The Silence of the Lambs (1991), but that would only be the tip of the iceberg.
		EDITOR
	Enough, John. You've said too much already. The truth isn't "out there." The truth is IN HERE.
The Editor points to the white bedsheet, and starts the projector...